I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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