I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
