What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
