My friends, they love my intelligence
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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