Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize