Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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