Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
