We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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