Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
