OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
