I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize