Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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