I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
