Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
