There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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