Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
