So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
