I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
