I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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