coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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