Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
