You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
