I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
