I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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