The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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