Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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