I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
