Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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