Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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