6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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