she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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