I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
