Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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