Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
