Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
