How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
