so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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