i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
