If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
