I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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