Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
