i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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