There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
