Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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