tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
