He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
