his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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