it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
