I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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