i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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