I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
