Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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