were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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