I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
