I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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