1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish you could order shots online.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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