i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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