I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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