ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
