i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
