Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Randomize
