I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize