grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
