Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
