He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
