So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
