look no pants
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I will be naked everywhere
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
